While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
