Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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