Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
