Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
