Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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