Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
