Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
