I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
