The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
