just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize