So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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