I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
