If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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