i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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