it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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