if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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