Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
