My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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