I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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