i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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