i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
