their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
