I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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