Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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