you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
