dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
