I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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