I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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