so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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