she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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