Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
