You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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