The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize