my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
