My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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