i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
