What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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