I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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