You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
