pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
