He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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