White coat. Heels.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
