My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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