I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize