I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
