I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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