I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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