How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
