I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
