woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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