Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
