She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
