you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
