Already got asked if we're dating
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize