I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
