I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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