WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
