So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
