I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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