like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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