I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
