Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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