Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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