I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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