we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
