Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
