I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
