You're completely useless in the revolution.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize