I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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