Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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