My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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