She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
