I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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