I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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