Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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