I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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