I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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