Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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